About being Quixotic.

 

 

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I always wanted to be an artist because I was good at drawing and I used to think that it would have made me rich. Hate me or love me for it, I had always been motivated by the big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Little did I know that  one can get lost on rainbows.

Seems like  I  underestimated myself.  Dedicating my life to the brush and colours  made me become this quixotic natured  artist.  I sometimes hate myself for being so idealistic and chivalrous but I really can’t help it. And although I try to kid myself that I am in this game for the money, I just am not….

This  is an old painting of mine. It is called Ghost. The girl in the picture is my aunt. She killed herself at the age of 32. She was beautiful to look at, but her life was marred by tragedy ,loss, disease and heart break. I was 17 when she passed away. People still look at me and say to me that I look like her. It doesn’t bother me at all. She was so beautiful.

She is the biggest regret in my life. I feel that I could have saved her if I  had shown a bit more love. She was so misunderstood and so unlucky. Even her wedding day, was a spectacle to forget. She  married out of despair and had such a horrid little poor gathering ,not even her wedding dress was nice. She so deserved much more than life had offered her.

So I decided to paint her in a wonderful wedding dress, with swans and angles looking down on her, with lovely flowers in her hair among the stars and she loves it. This is my gift of love to her spirit watching over me.

This is the great thing about being an artist. Sometimes you can do things you wish you could have done  and heal a wound. Sometimes you can show love in a way you could have never been able to express in words or actions.

 

 

 

 

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