About being Quixotic.

 

 

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I always wanted to be an artist because I was good at drawing and I used to think that it would have made me rich. Hate me or love me for it, I had always been motivated by the big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Little did I know that  one can get lost on rainbows.

Seems like  I  underestimated myself.  Dedicating my life to the brush and colours  made me become this quixotic natured  artist.  I sometimes hate myself for being so idealistic and chivalrous but I really can’t help it. And although I try to kid myself that I am in this game for the money, I just am not….

This  is an old painting of mine. It is called Ghost. The girl in the picture is my aunt. She killed herself at the age of 32. She was beautiful to look at, but her life was marred by tragedy ,loss, disease and heart break. I was 17 when she passed away. People still look at me and say to me that I look like her. It doesn’t bother me at all. She was so beautiful.

She is the biggest regret in my life. I feel that I could have saved her if I  had shown a bit more love. She was so misunderstood and so unlucky. Even her wedding day, was a spectacle to forget. She  married out of despair and had such a horrid little poor gathering ,not even her wedding dress was nice. She so deserved much more than life had offered her.

So I decided to paint her in a wonderful wedding dress, with swans and angles looking down on her, with lovely flowers in her hair among the stars and she loves it. This is my gift of love to her spirit watching over me.

This is the great thing about being an artist. Sometimes you can do things you wish you could have done  and heal a wound. Sometimes you can show love in a way you could have never been able to express in words or actions.

 

 

 

 

HOT – about Prickly pears and Halos.

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I always feel guilty that I differ from most of my  Maltese family of artists as I don’t really paint landscapes of our beloved little island. Although I appreciate  the scenes and lovely buildings, it just isn’t my line. But I decided to make a painting about Malta without our lovely little boats and rocky coasts so  I focused on 4 things-

1.The heat- Our Incredible heatwaves, those when you feel like you are melting . That kind of heat that you start sweating right after you come out of a cold shower.

2.Prickly Pears- What would  Maltese landscape  and summer be without prickly pears? Not a Maltese summer of course.

3.The Religious paraphernalia- Catholic churches all over the place…. everyone prays when in need.

4. Plants in the yard. –  I have never seen a Maltese yard without  a couple of pots  with   some lovely plants in it.

As you might have guessed the image of the girl was taken from a pornographic cinema poster from the City lights collection.

But unlike what most people think, this painting is not just about sex in the heat.

It is a a painting about the repercussions of sex for a woman. Unlike a man, a woman looses her  value if she expresses her sexuality. Sex , apart from pleasure, makes babies. Giving birth is like sitting on a prickly pear cactus in extreme heat and pain in front of an audience.

Deciding to keep the baby or not is subject to a very judgemental audience as well. The abortion debate has the world divided.

Loosing the baby by miscarriage is also extremely painful and facing the audience is  just as painful, not to mention the void and pain one might feel.

Other women are kidnapped and  made to sell their sexuality on the streets,  some are beaten into sexual slavery by their own husbands. That must be very painful.

I am tired of being so unequal to men. I am tired of being  an object of sexual desire and then made to repress my sexuality.

I am tired of hearing about girls being kidnapped and pimped on the streets or of others who are beaten into submission and made to prostitute themselves and never find the support they deserve. I am tired of hearing about the atrocities of backyard abortions gone wrong. I am sick and tired of seeing women cry and feel  shamed for needing IVF.

No matter what everyone says, I feel that God is there for us all. He is there for the whore as much as he is there for the woman who lost her child. God is looking over the woman who is struggling and deciding whether to keep her baby or not and trying to help her out and find the best possible solution for her and her child.

Sex for us women is just not what it is for men. It is a painful ordeal, the cross we have to bear ,for being women.

And don’t forget we have to shave our legs…………